This morning, as I worked (in one desktop), I had YouTube running in a browser in another desktop. I just let YouTube play whatever songs it chose. I started with Eyes Without a Face by Billy Idol (oh, what a beautiful, wonderful song about how callous the modern world has grown to be — I’ve felt this on a personal level).
Each song was great, but eventually a song came up that wasn’t so great. The song itself is epic, however where it takes me and how it makes me feel is bad. “I’m feeling better. Let me see if I can handle this”, I said to myself as I switched over to YouTube to watch the video for a moment. I was merely 45 seconds into the song and I felt myself, emotionally and mentally, going down in flames. Wow! Music is so powerful. It connects into spiritual places through us. This beautiful song, performed live and acoustic, and recorded for us to hear over and over was essentially a torture device to my soul. Spiritual indeed!
I made a decision in that moment, just like I did a few weeks back, that I wasn’t going to be controlled by this feeling, this pain, this confusion, this, this… whatever this is. I immediately stopped the song and subsequently felt myself instantly feel better. Wow! It’s that easy? No, it’s not! I was just that strong, in that moment. We don’t always have a choice to move on from things, but we always have a choice to try.
I tried. I chose to stop listening to something that shackled me, regardless of it’s brilliance. I instead chose to listen to something that cleared my head of bad feelings. Essentially, I chose to listen to something from a time when I focused on hope and a future with a clear conscience over something from a time when I was shackled and fighting emotional pain in a thick cloud of confusion.
If you are facing this similar challenge in life, this sort of “you versus you” internal thing, just know that you may need time (some of you will certainly need time). It’s OK. IT’S OK! We all process differently, but if at some point you see a clear path out, try it.
I tried. You try.
