Only Two Options

If you follow me on Twitter at @bigpapajava then you probably read my tweet about the time my ex-girlfriend SUPER-ghosted me. That’s right, she tried to disappear in the middle of a relationship, without a goodbye and without a trace. You cannot make this stuff up. It really happened and it happened to me and it was a time in my life that I’d assume forget aside from the fact that I learned some valuable lessons as a young, out of control twenty-two year old. Part of that lifestyle included crazy women. We’ll call this particular woman Jane.

To conclude this story, I ultimately used my INFJ super detective powers to track her down and talk to her, at which point she called the police on me. Talk about feeling like a criminal (that whole Fe guilt thing, am I right?). Anyway, I thought that was the last time I’d hear from her. BOY WAS I WRONG!

Ten Years Later

Ten yeas later, as my wife and I unwound one evening in an Atlanta hotel room, I received the strangest FB Messenger message from a girl whose name I immediately recognized. I could not believe I was receiving this message from her. Well, considering this was Jane’s daughter and she was 17 years old, I wasn’t as surprised, but it still didn’t really make sense. I knew something was off.

After I responded with, “Hi. I hope you are doing well, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to be chatting.”, mostly because of who her mother was, she responded a few hours later with, “I’m sorry. My mom sent that message.” Wow! What?

I thought it was over, but when I returned to the office the following week, I was once again mistaken. She had used FB to determine where I lived and where I worked and had called and left a voice message with our CEO’s assistant. Good grief Charlie Brown! It wasn’t too long after that when she actually got a hold of me, on my cell phone. Gulp! So, we spoke. After ten years. It was nerve-racking and awkward.

She could hear the nervousness in my voice and was even bold enough to point out that I sounded nervous. Well duh! I mean, what’s gonna happen next? Are you in the bushes, waiting to jump out and attack me? Yeah, I was a BIT nervous!

The conversation started with her digging for information. Since I knew that she likely already had most of the information she was asking for, I obliged with general answers to her questions, but nothing too personal. She went on to ask me to please forgive her for what had happened ten years earlier, as she added she had come to her senses. I told her she had been forgiven a long time ago. The conversation continued on. She offered a bit of small talk and led us away from the subject of forgiveness and into the world of “what the hell are you talking about?”

Ultimately though, as I predicted halfway through this phone call, she wasn’t calling to ask me for forgiveness. The conversation climaxed late, but nonetheless with her pleading for she and I to “get things going again”. She knew I was married. She knew I had three kids. She knew where I lived. She knew where I worked. This wasn’t some ignorant or innocent request where she didn’t have all the facts. This whole conversation was clever and calculated. To make things even more interesting, amid my momentary silence, she offered me two options. I had TWO options, LOL.

Option 1: We get things going again.

Option 2: I tell her to go away and to never, ever contact me again.

Hmm, I didn’t really like either of those options, so I offered up a third option of “let’s just be friends and move on”, mostly because INFJ and harmony and all that jive. She responded that my option wasn’t a valid option and the two initial options were THE only ones on the table. That was unfortunate because, as she soon found out, I was going with Option 2 and I didn’t even have to think about it, so I repeated it back to her. I said, “Go away and never, ever contact me again.” She said she would and we hung up.

Whew. I was glad that was over, but it wasn’t. The next morning I received a text message from her notifying me that my time to make a decision had been extended by a day. Wow. LOL. I shared this with my wife, who grabbed my phone and sent Jane a text message herself. I won’t repeat what it said, but my sweet little wife had just gone WWE on Jane through a text message. It wasn’t pretty! I also responded and asked her to just leave us alone.

I never heard from her again, but I’m always watching my back.