Emotional pain. Sadness.
For me, things are different now. I’m starting to understand these things (emotional pain and sadness) better, at least how I feel them, but it can still be utterly confusing at times. I constantly see people take on pain and immediately withdraw, often for extended periods.
I do this same thing, but perhaps with different motivation. As I feel this emotional pain slip away from me, it’s all I can do to grasp it, to hold on to it. I don’t want it to leave. It’s become a sibling for me. It’s become my spark and even motivates me at times. That’s why it’s different for me. I’m comfortable with it. It’s like Nitrous oxide to my creativity. It allows me to open the door to my soul and share freely.
I’ve written before, in an earlier blog post, that I’d always be sad. For me sadness is part of me, part of my personality. Emotional pain is not sadness for me. They are two different things and they are mutually exclusive. What people fail to understand is that I’m sad and joyful at the same time. These things actively and constantly coexist within me. And please, do not confuse sadness with depression. Depression is a clinical diagnosis. Sadness is not.
I no longer relate to people who only want to be happy. Oddly enough, I was that person earlier in life. Purpose hadn’t come into focus for me as a young man. Nowadays however, purpose screams at me. It calls to me. It’s loud and in my face. Perhaps my sadness is even more tied to purpose than it is to pain, in the sense that sometimes the search for purpose is a sad and lonely venture.
Most people don’t relate (and that’s perfectly fine and expected), but I know a few who are reading this and shaking their heads, “yes” and saying, “I get it.” In fact, I spoke with a friend at church last week who I never expected to understand what I was talking about, but he totally got it.
Perhaps my sadness is even more tied to purpose than it is to pain.
I know other empaths who carry a lot of sadness with them (as I do). Accept the fact that it’s OK. Also know that sometimes emotional pain comes in and it’s louder and stronger than our typical sadness that we carry. I believe we can use this sharp emotional pain in a similar way we use our dull sadness. The sharp emotional pain isn’t meant to stay with us. It’s supposed to burst. Let it fuel great things in you, but let it go whenever it’s time for it to go.
Look for healthy outlets. Good things will happen.