I’m the person who would walk the farthest for you. The one who would go anywhere for you. The one who would drop anything and hurry to your rescue. The one who would take a bullet for you. The one who would throw himself in front of a locomotive for you, without hesitation. And guess what, this holds true even if I’m not “into you” in any way you can imagine, “romantically” or even more generally intimately. Mastering platonic camaraderie has been a beautiful thing in my life and it’s unfortunate that more people aren’t at that point, but don’t give up on elevating your heart and your soul to the next level. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s freeing… liberating. Refuse to be shackled by the secular world. Deny religion. Only accept spirituality, so that your mind can focus clearly on these lines which have been blurred in your eyes by a western world that has implanted painful lies beneath your skin, into your heart, and through your incredible soul. They will tell you that rules are religion, then they will place rules upon you. Hypocrisy or religion? You tell me.
Don’t mistake this fresh awakening I’ve shared with you for some “love affair”. It’s not what you think. It’s not like that at all. I’m not like other guys (or girls for that matter). Cliche I know, yes, but I think you have already noticed that I “feel” so much more deeply than any other person you’ve ever met. You don’t want to admit it and you try to defend against it, but you don’t know how to tame it, which is why your defense comes across as abrupt and confusing, even to yourself. It’s not for you to tame. While others (your spouse, friends, family, etc.) are aloof, at times distant, stuck on the surface, and void of emotion (especially with regard to you), I’m absorbing all that you have and I’m carrying your very essence and it’s real, it’s heavy, it’s completely legitimate, it’s safe, and God shows favor on it because this is how He designed and created me. This is spirituality and no church, no preacher, and no religion is even in the same conversation with this spirituality. It is so much bigger than that which has an agenda. This has no agenda.
This is something new. This is something you’ve never seen or experienced before. This is true love that demands nothing in return. This is not, “I love you”, so “marry me” or “be my friend” or “do this thing for me and I’ll love you even more”. This doesn’t even care about that stuff. In fact, that stuff doesn’t even exist to this. This is love, pegged out, at it’s maximum potential, because love like this cannot be governed, throttled, or contained, therefore the mercury rises to the top and pops the top off. This love does not desire anything sexual, emotional, intimate, physical, or sensual, it simply desires to love, to serve, and it thinks about and looks for those opportunities. It exhausts itself then refills and repeats the process. This is what friendship is. It is the giving of one’s self at the expense of embarrassment, discomfort, fear, pain, and rejection. True friendship, whether a one-way or a two-way street doesn’t cower in the face of these things. This also doesn’t need a reason. It doesn’t need a history. It doesn’t need anyone’s understanding or approval. It doesn’t care on this level because it’s fully committed on a higher level.
It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. It’s unexpected and ironically that’s the only way it can work. When the depth of this phenomenon is experienced, it can be incredibly confusing. It hits you quickly. It blind-sides you. It seems to come out of nowhere like a spirit in the night, toward you, into you, and through you. All of that emotion that you attempted to cover up, whether through compartmentalization, self-inflicted pain, substances, or some other method becomes frantically stirred in you. It is frightening, but wouldn’t you expect something supernatural to be especially chilling in a natural world?
I cannot tell you where to go from here. I cannot tell you how this is going to end, because I do not know. I know change is not fun, but this is your opportunity. This is your chance to explode, to break all that hurt-lined rust that covers your entire body, heart, mind, and soul and feel a different kind of pain, one that is more indicative of the pain that your creator feels for you. It’s skipping the present. It’s skipping your body. It’s skipping the desires of your heart. It’s going straight to your soul and dropping all fear that is tied to those other aspects of “life” as you know it. You have options. You can choose to remain imprisoned or you can escape by walking right out the door. Will you truly live or will you continue simply dying a slow, agonizing death?