Girl, I know you know you made a mistake, although you’ll never admit it. Not to me. Not to him. Not to anyone. You don’t need to. The past reaches up like roots creeping out of the ground. It grabs your ankles. It binds you. Roots trip ya know. I see you fighting.
You love him, but you feel his disinterest. You want to be first, but you know you’re not and never will be, although you hope for it. You may even create an imaginary world where he loves you the way you expect, but something deep inside of you, subconsciously in touch with reality, knows better. It’s like that dream where you’re trying to grab something, but it infinitely eludes you. You envisioned a world that was better than the previous one, and you got it. Maybe you’re satisfied with that, but it’s still not what you had hoped for. You deserve better. You feel tremendous relief from before, but that feeling has a new foe, the fear of failing again, so now you’re caught in the middle of your own World War II.
No one blames you for anything that happened in the past. We’re all in a war, thus we all fight and lose battles. You lost a battle, but you’re a mighty warrior. You overcame the bloodshed and you walked away with scars. Don’t hide those beautiful scars girl. You’ll overcome this too. Don’t let patterns of the past dictate your future. I know they nip at you. Although that hopeless battle raged hard against your sensitive soul, you came out of it with a glorious edge. We all see it.
Where you go from here is up to you, but it’s you who must stay true to queen status, to warrior status, and to yourself. You continue to hold tight to your personal value system that lays down roads and highways and allows you to overcome those anxieties that haunt you. Take those roads and the bridges that connect them and escape that anxiety. Go where it cannot follow.
We’re always here to catch you, friend. You’ll never have to fall all the way to the ground. You are protected, regardless of what has happened. Our nets are out and ready, so stand firm, don’t fret. Chin up! We won’t leave you or forsake you.
I hope this promise gives you the comfort of that cozy bed in a spotless, cool bedroom with the subtlest of light slipping in from outside as the raindrops fall slowly from the sky while a delicate breeze sweeps gently over the landscape at midnight while you are snuggled in tightly under perfectly warm blankets with the pitter-patter of the rain massaging your soul. Your very essence deserves this.
When the day comes when we’ve all gone away, I hope you’ll remind yourself, “They were here for a purpose, for me.” And when you do, I hope you’ll realize that we haven’t gone away. We are still here like departed souls watching over you through the storm.