Rain

It was a beautiful, albeit humid, sunny morning. As I pulled into my favorite parking spot a block away from my 1st (or 2nd) favorite coffee shop where all the customers are treated like royalty for some reason, it began to rain. How could it be raining? I LOVE rain but this makes no sense. It’s pouring! Is this some sort of sign that I should pull out of this parking spot and work elsewhere or is this a test from God of my strength and perseverance.

You see, a recent friend who I lost frequents this coffee shop and seeing her would throw my entire day off. I don’t want to see her. Well, I do want to see her in hope that a miracle from God happens and she looks at me and says, “How are you?” and I reply with, “Please forgive me?” and life goes on. So, was this a test from God or was it temptation from Satan or was this just “life”? I had no idea, but I was there and the rain stopped in an instant, so I got out of my truck and I walked in, ordered a latte and a muffin, sat down, and begin working.

An hour or two went by and my friend appeared. I couldn’t make eye contact, and I wouldn’t. She didn’t need to know that I knew she was there, but she did. I could feel it. I wasn’t there for her, but I knew the risks going in. Immediately, I got butterflies in my stomach. The tussling of introverted energy was intense. Misunderstanding, concealed pain, and extroverted feeling were all part of the recipe and it was unavoidable and would not be reasoned with.

As the pressure built and breathing was no longer routine, I had a decision to make. Stay and continue to struggle or leave and gather myself. With the vent blowing down on me as if I were inside an arctic freezer, discomfort was at an all time high. One deep breathe and an exhale and the decision had been made. It’s time to move on for the day. I won’t look at her. I will only look down at the ground, in order to show my humility and feeling of remorse. Inside my heart lives a substantial feeling of remorse and my message is of love. So I walked. Then I drove. And I moved on with the day. It was no longer my day, it was just a day.

As a friend on Twitter recently tweeted, “All you really need to know about me is… I’m trying.” And I am.